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02:19pm 10/07/2003
  I need to...get out more.
Something like that.

I can feel myself becoming increasingly depressed about certain things...and it just builds up.
This is my life.		  
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02:41am 28/06/2003
  So it goes.
And goes.
And goes.		  
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07:53pm 26/06/2003
 
mood: contemplative
music: Copeland - California
I really don't know why you let me get involved if you always knew it would end this way.


Distance ripped us farther and farther and farther away.


Come back from California, I'm starved for your attention, I'm starved for your attention...

Maybe we fell too fast, maybe I pushed you away. Now you're gone, and I'm afraid that you're never coming back again....well, I'll see you soon. If you're coming back here.

You know I won't mind if you monopolize all of my time. I wont say a thing at all, I won't say a word.



And on that note, I'm going out. Going to smoke myself to death. You know where I'll be.		  
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03:37am 19/06/2003
 
music: Caddilac Blindside - Just Pull the Trigger
Sometime last year around the month of May, the seasons had to change, and with them, so did I.


Sort of appropriate nowadays.


This is mine, now. And I'm not going to let you take it from me.		  
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03:02am 15/06/2003
  blah. that's all. blah.

blah blah blah blah fucking blah.		  
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04:17am 14/06/2003
  It's a good thing that I like things complicated. ;-)


Life's like this.



Watch the sky follow the horizon.		  
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02:30am 10/06/2003
  things, on the average, used to be so much more amazing.
i think there is a lesson somewhere in this to be learned.




i am happy right now. if anyone tells you differently...		  
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02:38am 05/06/2003
 
mood: confused
music: Saves the Day- Sell my old clothes, i'm off to heaven.
i guess confused is the easiest way to put it.

the way i've been looking at it for the past few hours or so, patience is a virtue. if i'm patient, tolerant, and empathetic, nothing but good can come from that. at least, that's my hope. if you need me to be your friend, then i'll be the best friend i can be. maybe (and this is a best case scenario here) in a while, you will need more than a friend. and if i'm still around to offer my services, well, i'll be the best 'more than a friend' that i can be. either way, i'm just going to sit tight and try to keep everything together the way it needs to be kept. because that's all that can really be done on my end of the deal. but i do miss you already. i feel a million miles away when i'm at arm's length. and that is hard. i have to deal with that. and that's fine, that's what i'm going to do. and i'm going to do it with grace, composure, and the most charm that i can muster (i've never been one to be known as overwhelmingly charming). because having you there for me is that important. and you know that, it was discussed earlier. i'm not ready to lose you as a central part of my life. so that central part of my life is swithcing focus, maybe temporarily, probably forever. so it goes. all i can do is make the best of the situation that is handed to me, and try to better myself through that situation. and hopefully, things will turn out alright, if not ideal.
it was so hard not to grab and squeeze your hand. it was even harder not to kiss you goodnight.
so it goes.


on a different note, got an amazing offer to move uptown today. i might take it, temporarily. i don't know. it's all in the air.
i'm trying to throw myself into my work as of late, in order to keep myself busy. because an idle mind leads to nothing but evil thoughts.
hopefully, i'll start painting or silkscreening again soon. maybe i'll even paint a painting or two that i've owed to certain parties for quite some time.

looking back at how it began, its funny how things turn out.

anyone looking to start a rock and roll band? serious inquiries only, please.

This song is one of the greatest songs, ever.

There's a beautiful sky tonight and if you were by my side then we could share it but you are gone. So come at me with your moon and burn me in the stars, because nothing matters anymore. If I could only see you now for about an hour, maybe just a minute just to ask what has he got that I don't have? Is it his brown eyes? I know blue eyes get boring but I'll wear dark glasses all the time and hey, if you want me to, I'll take a knife to my own bright eyes. If I could only see you now for about an hour maybe just a minute just to ask what has he got that I don't have? Is it his brown eyes? Well, I'll give you a thousand reasons that tonight you should grant me this one wish. Like the one year of my life that I gave to you and now you put me through hell, you break me up, yeah. I should hate you, but I can't replace you in my heart. Why am I so pathetic? I don't get it why you won't return my calls. Can't you look at me once? And please if you got a minute, enjoy this lonely sky with me. It'll swallow us whole if we only let it. If I could only see you now for about an hour, maybe just a minute just to ask what has he got that I don't have? Is it his brown eyes? Well, I'll give a thousand reasons that tonight you should grant me this one wish. Like the one year of my life that I gave to you and now you put me through hell. You break me up. If this sky's going to eat us then I'd like to be digested into a million pieces with you. I'd love to be scattered to hell with you. To hell with you.

And now, its late at night so i think i'm going to go and get in my bed and think about things until i get to the point where i can't sleep anyways. it's a vicious cycle. i got to bed so that i can stay awake.
Goodnight.




I know blue eyes get boring...		  
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04:59am 04/06/2003
  BASIC...
:x: name = geoffrey
:x: piercings = none yet. *planned* plugs, and bottom left lip.
:x: tattoos = none yet. *planned* rebel symbol on my right ankle, imperial on my left. triforce on my right forearm. star on my back.
:x: height = 6'1

:x: shoe size = 11.5-12.5
:x: hair color = used to be dirty blonde, now it's a pretty brown color. dark brown.
:x: length = ehhh...shaggy-ish.
:x: siblings = one brother, one sister.

LAST...
:x: movie you rented = lock, stock, and two smoking barrels.
:x: movie you bought = road to perdition.
:x: song you listened to = cadillac blindside- just pull the trigger
:x: song that was stuck in your head = chin up chin up- fuck you, elton john.
:x: cd you bought = glassjaw
:x: cd you listened to = i can't find the word (01)
:x: person you've called = jennifer
:x: person that's called you = jennifer
:x: tv show you've watched = trading spaces
:x: person you were thinking of = jennifer
:x: you have a bf or gf = not anymore.
:x: you have a crush on someone = ...
:x: you wish you could live somewhere else = far, far away.
:x: you think about suicide = no
:x: you believe in online dating = no
:x: others find you attractive = frequently enough.
:x: you want more piercings = yes
:x: you drink = yes
:x: you do drugs = nah, not really
:x: you smoke = yes
:x: you like cleaning = not at all
:x: you like roller coasters = rarely
:x: you write in cursive or print = haha always in print. even my signature is print.
:x: you carry a donor card = nope.

FOR OR AGAINST...
:x: long distance relationships = against. though they work sometimes. i just dont' think i could do it.
:x: using someone = situation.
:x: suicide = way against.
:x: killing people = way against.
:x: teenage smoking = whatever rocks their boat. i'm always against people killing htemselves.
:x: doing drugs = see above.
:x: premarital sex = for in the right situations.
:x: driving drunk = haha WAY AGAINST!! NEVER!!
:x: gay/lesbian relationships = for.
:x: soap operas = only when the term is used to describe my life.

FAVORITE...
:x: food = hamburger's.
:x: song = at the moment? Hot Hot Heat- Bandages
:x: thing to do = Makeout, have really nice long conversations with attractive people.
:x: thing to talk about = movies, video games, shitalk.
:x: sports = ehhh...golf.
:x: drinks = dr. pepper/ dr. thunder.
:x: clothes = black t-shirt, jeans.
:x: movies = heavyweights.
:x: band/singer = at the moment, Hot Hot Heat.
:x: holiday = Christmas.
:x: cars = why mine, of course. very spacious. very vroom vroom. sexy color. cold air conditioning. no beef. no joke.

HAVE YOU...
:x: ever cried over a boy = umm...over a girl? yes. more than once.
:x: ever lied to someone = chronically.
:x: ever been in a fist fight = my mom, a 27 year old guy named Nino (when i was 14)
:x: ever been arrested = sort of.

WHAT...
:x: shampoo do you use = god who knows.
:x: perfume do you use = banana republic.
:x: shoes do you wear = as of now, reeboks, flojos, and converse.
:x: are you scared of = right now? breakups.

NUMBER...
:x: of times I have been in love? = 3
:x: of times I have had my heart broken? = 2
:x: of hearts I have broken? = 2
:x: of girls I have kissed? = shit man. the number is always changing. 9 or 10.
:x: of boys I have kissed? = one. lucky boy.
:x: of girls I've slept with? = ...
:x: of boys I've slept with? = hah millions.
:x: of continents I have lived in? = one.
:x: of drugs taken illegally? = one.
:x: of people I would classify as true, could trust with my life type friends? = 2 or 3.
:x: of people I consider my enemies? = ehh a handful.
:x: of times my name has appeared in the newspaper? = once or twice.
:x: of scars on my body? = few.
:x: of things in my past that I regret? = nothing. no regrets. ever.

FAVORITE...
:x: disney movie = heavyweights.
:x: scent = girls' hair.
:x: word = word.
:x: nickname = fuckass
:x: guy name = Truman
:x: girl name = Kimrey
:x: eye color = Blue
:x: flower = daisy
:x: piercing = plugs.
:x: actor = i'm a big jason statham fan right now. hah.
:x: actress = angelina jolie?

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE...
:x: good looking = sometimes.
:x: funny = all times.
:x: hot = i'm a sex icon.
:x: friendly = not enough.
:x: amusing = hah eternally.
:x: ugly = i'd hope not.
:x: loveable = not as much as i'd like to hope.
:x: caring = see above...
:x: sweet = sachrine. no, honestly, i can be very sweet.
:x: dorky = uberdork. i'm geek chic, yall.		  
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12:58am 04/06/2003
  single again.

never smoked so many cigarettes in my entire life.		  
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11:03am 02/06/2003
  things are coming back around again.

who knew it wouldn't last.

oh well. so it goes.
so its gone.		  
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03:40am 28/05/2003
  i can't even begin to know where to start...


life's like this.		  
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04:34am 24/05/2003
 
mood: exhausted
music: the White Stripes - Seven Nation Army
life as of now is one long series of late nights and early mornings.

and in between, it's coming along very nicely, indeed, if i do think so myself. of course, there is a direct correlation between the niceness of certain life situations and the availability and closeness of an unnamed girl who has succesfully brightened up many dark nights during the past 2 weeks or so. you know who you are. you are making me a nice person again. i would hate you for it...but god damnit, i'm too fucking nice!! haha...honestly, it's getting increasingly difficult to keep up a bad composure when you have someone there to hold your hand. i wink at you now. ;-) there. considered yourself winked.
ANYWAYS, life is good, and so are you.
that's the sum of it all. so it goes.


i'm going to sleep now, because i'm exausted despite my fucking awesome mood.
tommorrow, hopefully i will buy some sandals...and maybe a pair of shorts. we'll see how that flies.

i'm going to sleep so that i can feel you.
heart you.


PS- that was the one mushy update of this century. i always feel like such a dork posting things like this. i'm going to keep it dry, boring, cynical, and bitter from now on. i promise!

PPS- i'm starving. food, then sleep.		  
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04:57pm 19/05/2003
  -- Name: Geoffrey Ian Ward
-- Birth date: 10-01-84
-- Birthplace: Toronto, Ontario.
-- Current Location: The den of my house.
-- Eye Color: Blue/gray.
-- Hair Color: Dark blonde.
-- Height: Six One.
-- Righty or Lefty: Very much right handed. My left hand is good for very little.
-- Zodiac Sign: Libra. The Scale.
-- Your heritage: Texo-Canadian. Hah. No seriously, Russo-Prussian.
-- The shoes you wore today: The disgustingly comfortable Chucks.
-- Your weakness: Pretty girls. Cheesecake.
-- Your fears: Car crashes and heights.
-- Your perfect pizza: Hah. So far, the best pizza I've ever had has been the Tony's Play. Basically, it's Marinara, Proscuitto, Pepperoni, Mozzarella, White Onions, Mushrooms, Green Peppers, Pancetta, and Capers. Heavenly.
-- Goal you'd like to achieve: World domination.
-- Your thoughts first waking up: Shit, I'm half and hour late for work.
-- Your best physical feature: None.
-- Your bedtime: This weekend...about 6 Am.
-- Your most missed memory: A lot of old St. Lukes group stuff. Youth Retreat...
-- Pepsi or Coke: Uhhh...Dr. Pepper is a subsidiary of the Coca Cola corporation.
-- McDonald's or Burger King: Burger King hands down.
-- Single or group dates: Ehhh. Both, man.
-- Adidas or Nike: Adidas.
-- Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Ice Tea is for people who don't have friends.
-- Chocolate or vanilla: Vanilla pudding.
-- Cappuccino or coffee: Coffee. Especially drank out of Mountain Dew bottles at 6:30 in the morning after a night of poster making during ITS.

-- Smoke: Yeah.
-- Cuss: Oh dear, no.
-- Sing: More than any of you know. And better too! I get nervous singing in front of people and I have trouble singing as a by-product. But Man...when I'm alone, i rock this house.
-- Take a shower everyday: Ummm. Yeah dude. Always.
-- Have a crush(es): I'm not a player, i just crush a lot.
-- Do you think you've been in love: yes.
-- Want to go to college: Hah want to go? No. Want to enjoy the lifestyle of being a college student? HELL fucking yes.
-- Like(d) high school: Suprisingly, it's been more good than bad.
-- Want to get married: It's an option I'm looking into. I could always just get a really nice car, instead...
-- Believe in yourself: Sometimes.
-- Get motion sickness: Definitly.
-- Think you're attractive: More yes than no. But I have some major flaws.
-- Think you're a health freak: Yeah right.
-- Get along with your parent(s): Not right now. Me and my mom aren't speaking much.
-- Like thunderstorms: You'd be suprised.
-- Play an instrument: Not really. I pretend, though.

In the past month...
-- Drank alcohol: Yes.
-- Smoked: Yes.
-- Done a drug: Nada.
-- Had Sex: Nope.
-- Made Out: <3 <3 <3
-- Gone on a date: Well...Sort of?
-- Gone to the mall?: Actually, yes! I've been there like 2 times in the past month!
-- Eaten an entire box of Oreos: Hah. Almost.
-- Eaten sushi: Fuck sushi. Trendster idiots.
-- Been on stage: No.
-- Been dumped: And dumped, as well. It's been an interesting month.
-- Gone skating: Nada.
-- Made homemade cookies: My mom did.
-- Gone skinny dipping: Heh. I wish.
-- Dyed your hair: On wednesday!!!
-- Stolen anything: Hmm. Not sure. I've overcome most of that rabid cleptomania that I had a few years ago.


Ever...
-- Played a game that required removal of clothing: I think the game WAS removing the clothing. Haha.
-- If so, was it mixed company: Yes. Mixed with what, I do not know.
-- Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Yes.
-- Been caught "doing something": Hehe.
-- Been called a tease: Hmm not to my face.
-- Gotten beaten up: No. But I punched my brother in the face and it was funny.
-- Shoplifted: Nope.
-- Changed who you were to fit in: Yes. I changed myself to Strom Thurman so that I could hang out with some really really old peole.

-- Age you hope to be married: You know that my grandparents were already engaged at my age?
-- Numbers and Names of Children: 2/3 Boys. Names in order of preference. Truman, Ian, and Owen. IF I have a girl, god forbid, her name will hopefully either be Skye, or Kimrey (new favorite there).
-- Describe your Dream Wedding: Barefoot on the cliffs of Ireland. I decided I want to be wearing a Tux. Just...barefoot.
-- How do you want to die: Taking you down with me.
-- Where you want to go to college: University of New Orleans, Ya'll!
-- What do you want to be when you grow up: You.
-- What country would you most like to visit: France/Germany. Unfortunatly, those two countries are not taking too kindly to Americans these days...
Awwwwh poor babies, we stole all their 'pwecious wittle oil wezerves'. haha fuckers. Go...learn to speak English or something, you Franko-Kraut crybabies.

In a guy/girl..
-- Best eye color? Blue.
-- Best hair color? Depends.
-- Short or long hair: Shorter.
-- Height: Doesn't matter. I date a lot of short girls.
-- Best weight: Doesn't matter. Healthy.
-- Best articles of clothing: Skirts. <3
-- Best first date location: Greg's roof.
-- Best first kiss location: In the rain.
-- Number of drugs taken illegally: Umm..not too many, last time I checked.
-- Number of people I could trust with my life: Few.
-- Number of CDs that I own: Haha. Me? Own CDs??? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA yeah. I have over 400.
-- Number of piercings: None yet. BUT BUT BUT. Will have ears, left lip, and right eyebrow eventually.
-- Number of tattoos: None yet. Working on it.
-- Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: Once, if ever.
-- Number of scars on my body: A good handful. I think I have testicular cancer.
-- Number of things in my past that I regret: Nah.		  
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05:24am 17/05/2003
 
mood: drunk
music: chin up chin up - fuck you, elton john.
At 5 in the morning, the interstate is bare, save the endless processions of taxis. Coming, or going. And sometimes both.


You totally rocked my night. No need to return the compliment. <3


Time flies when you're having fun.
I needed this night more than you guys knows. More like it, eh? Soon, eh?		  
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01:22am 15/05/2003
  i had so much to say...but i've already said it.


talking to her is like shouting at a brick wall.
utterly fucking pointless.		  
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02:47pm 14/05/2003
  boy's don't cry...  
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01:27am 14/05/2003
  You know...I've never been amazing at many things. But I've been noticing that I am spectacularly great at being horrible.

I feel like a failure, sometimes.
And in these times, I watch Star Wars.		  
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12:23am 14/05/2003
  I break everything I touch.
THAT'S what I was thinking.

call me sometime...		  
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11:34am 12/05/2003
 
music: neutral milk hotel - holland 1945
life is an ongoing series of confusing events.



curiousity killed the cat.

i'm a good little boy.
god damn, this business is getting lame...		  
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